Sexuality and Gender :: Relationships

We all have relationships, in virtually every aspect of our lives, from interacting with people in shops, banks, etc., to very important relationships with colleagues at university, members of our family, sexual partners and so on...!

This page is primarily concerned with the impact of sexual relationships on our sexual health, and hopes to highlight some issues which you may find helpful in developing or sustaining these sexual relationships. If you have come to this page in the hopes of finding help with a personal relationship problem, please refer to the links at the bottom of this page for sources of help and/or refer to our Local Services page.

Sex and Relationships - Diversity!

Some, or all, of the information that follows can be applied to many different sexual relationships. Relationships come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and while most of us may have sexual relationships with one person at a time, there are also many people who have relationships with a number of people at the same time either openly or not. UNISEX believes it is important to highlight the diversity of relationships that do occur in our society and in other cultures.

Getting it together

Meeting someone new and having sex for the first time can be very exciting, especially if you think you'd like to see each other again! Making assumptions, or having fantasies about each other, in the early stages, can be sexy. But it can also be risky...

You may be in your early twenties and having a drink in a bar. Near closing time you meet someone. You may be feeling quite horny and after a few chat up lines you decide to go to your place together. You may be very turned on and start having sex soon after you have arrived home, you may want to have penetrative sex but there may not be condoms around.

Your priority in this situation may be to prevent pregnancy, but what about possible infections!? HIV as well as other less threatening but annoying infections. You may be on the pill or have some other form of contraception. You may have great sex and end up not pregnant but with a dose of crabs or gential warts.

OR You may decide in your mind that because your partner is young and healthy looking that they are probably HIV negative and free from sexually transmitted infections! But, because you have not mentioned condoms and you are wanting to have penetrative sex, your partner may assume you are positive, like them. You might then have fantastic sex and meet again a few days later. Your partner may start to talk about the fact that they are HIV positive and you could well feel quite angry about this and even blame your partner for the unprotected sex you had.

You may wish to consider the following:

• Most people with HIV and some other sexually transmitted infections (Chlamydia, NSU, Hepatitis, etc) don't look any different from people who don't have these! They can be young cute and healthy looking and still be HIV positive.
• Many people who think they are HIV negative assume others are also unless told otherwise!
• Although not as widespread in the heterosexual population, HIV is still increasing in this group, you cannot be sure you will not come in contact with HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.
• Some positive people assume you are positive, especially if you want to have sex without condoms
• It is important not to think it is the other person's responsibility to produce a condom.
• Talking about condoms early on in a pick up sets the scene and lets your partner know that you want to use them.
• It is important not to make assumptions, so either talk about what you want openly or use condoms.