Sexuality and Gender :: Gay

Gay Men

Whether you have come to Brighton for the course you are doing or because it's Brighton, you will probably want to take advantage of the lively gay scene. If you are not into the scene, as such, you may well also come into contact with the many gay men that live and work in Brighton, through sports clubs, societies, parties, friends of friends, etc.

Being at University is a time to experiment with many things, lifestyles, drugs, sex and relationships, to mention a few! If you are new to all that is on offer, it can be hard to decide what you want, trying out new things and gaining experience can be very exciting but also comes with some risks! How you deal with these new experiences is up to you and does depend on what and who you get involved with. Only you can decide if something is right for you, or not. The best way to make these choices is to get as informed as you can! The information that follows attempts to highlight some important issues you could find useful in deciding your own strategy for getting the sex/relationships/friendships you want, while looking after you sexual health!

Cruising and Safety

For those of you who may not know, we are talking about the sort of 'cruising' men do in order to find another man to have sex with, quite often in the great outdoors or in 'cottages' (public loo's). While this may not be your cup of tea, others can find it very appealing and exciting and to some of you the hints below may well come in useful if you eye the man of your dreams while walking along the seafront or shopping in the lanes!! If you are cruising in a Public Sex Environment, either at Dukes Mound or in a 'cottage', the people you meet will be looking to have sex with you or someone else!!

How do you 'cruise'?

Cruising is based on eye contact, if the person of your desires looks back and keeps looking for that little bit longer or keeps looking at you, then you can reasonably assume they may be interested, so try to attract their eye again, if this is returned then you can decide if you want to take things further or not. This may involve smiling, looking generally keen or going over and saying hello, Bingo!

Before you go cruising:

• Think about where you are going to have sex before you go out cruising.
• Getting off with a stranger is not the same as going off with a stranger.
• Let a friend know that you are going out cruising.
• Drinking and using drugs may affect your judgement. Think about this before you go out.

When you go cruising:

• Don't take a chance with someone you're not sure of! Someone else will be along soon.
• Know how far you are willing to go. What are your limits regarding safer sex and sex in general.
• If someone starts to do something you do not want to do, remember you are there for your own pleasure. Ask them to stop, if they persist, move away.
• If you like to fuck, carry condoms and lubricant. If you don't have them with you, ask your partner if they have some.
• Regardless of HIV status, condoms protect you and your partner - not only from HIV but from other sexually transmitted infections.
• Don't be afraid to talk to people that you've seen around the area before.
• Having a cruising 'buddy' can be a good idea, if trouble does occur you will feel safer.
• If you're hanging around a cottage for long periods of time you may attract the wrong attention. Don't be too obvious or forward with people who might be offended.
• Wherever you're having sex have an escape route in mind.
• Trust your instincts, and keep your wits about you!

Going home

• Taking someone home that you do not know may increase your susceptibility to robbery or violence. Sometimes having sex in public is safer than bringing someone home - although you may be breaking the law!
• If you do leave with someone, make sure you are seen leaving together and that they know you have been seen!
• Going to some places involves more risk to personal safety than others, for example getting into cars; going to the top of tower blocks!

Think about:

• Checking out the area you are cruising in - are there any people who might be offended by your activities?
• Are you visible to nearby residents?
• Groups of men loitering around late at night can be threatening to women and older people.
• If you want to have sex with someone stay out of view - but make sure that you can become visible or audible if you need to protect yourself.
• If you've been out cruising for several hours, your defences may be down and you may be inclined to take more risks.
• You need to balance your safety with the fact that you may be breaking the law by having sex in public.

Harrassment

• If you are hassled or you see someone else being hassled, make a loud noise, shout something 'Get away from me!' and try to attract other cruisers/people to help.
• If there are more than one of you send someone for the police. Assault is a serious crime whether the victim is cruising or not.
• If you can get away - do. Avoid a violent confrontation if you can.
• If you see someone in trouble, try to help them. Think of what you would like others to do if you were in trouble.
• Report assaults to the police.
• If the police stop you or ask you to move on, be polite and co-operative without giving information you do not want to give.
• Also be aware that if you are caught in a compromising position (your pants round your ankles!) this could be used against you.
• You are only required to give the police your name, date of birth and your address.

Sexual Health

Gay men are at risk from a number of sexually transmitted infections through unprotected anal sex, and particularly from HIV (the virus that can lead to AIDS) and Hepatitis B (which is much easier to become infected with than HIV). To live a full gay sex life you do not have to have anal sex, there are many alternatives, and equally it is possible to have good sex which includes anal sex and using condoms! It is thought that up to a third of Gay Men fuck or get fucked without a condom each year, mostly with a regular partner, lover or boyfriend (see our Relationships page for more...)

HIV Transmission during sex between men

For HIV to pass from one man to another, one of them must already have HIV. There are three main ways for a negative man to get the virus from a positive man, if a condom is not used:

• By getting fucked
• By fucking
• By sucking the positive man's cock - and is greater if the positive man cums in his partners mouth

For the negative man getting fucked without a condom...

HIV present in his partner's cum and pre-cum can get into the bloodstream through small tears in the arse or get absorbed through the lining of the arse. There doesn't need to be cuts and/or bleeding for this absorption to happen. And as pre-cum also contains virus particles, HIV can be passed on even if his partner does not cum in his partner's arse.

For the negative man fucking the positive man without a condom...

HIV particles may be present in traces of blood in his partner's arse which can enter the bloodstream through small cuts in the head of the penis or through the tube at the tip of the penis (the urethra). There are often small amounts of blood in the arse when getting fucked because the lining of the arse is so delicate (a bit like a damp paper bag!). It is not necessary for there to be cuts on the penis for it to absorb these small amounts of blood.

Sucking cock...

It is quite difficult to say for sure that oral sex carries a low risk for HIV infection, as sucking is often not the only sexual activity that occurs! In cases where it is thought a man did contract HIV from sucking, this was usually associated with the positive partner cumming in his partners mouth. The lining of the mouth is much tougher than the anus and so it is not easy for HIV to get into the bloodstream unless there are cuts or sores in the mouth or bleeding/damaged gums. If you get cum in your mouth, spitting it out or swallowing it probably makes little difference to the risk of HIV transmission.

Which activities are riskier for HIV?

The level of risk depends on several factors, including the number of times you fuck or get fucked without a condom. It seems that getting fucked is riskier than fucking, but it is not true that a man fucking cannot get HIV. For a more detailed discussion of HIV transmission risk through sucking see our oral sex page.

The risk of HIV being passed on through fucking (or through oral sex) probably increases if:

• The man who is positive cums in his partner's arse
• Either man has other sexually transmitted diseases (particularly those that cause ulcers on the cock, arse or mouth)
• The positive partner is more infectious; people with HIV can be more infectious at certain times, including just after being infected
• there are already cuts in the negative partner's arse caused, for example, by sex toys, fingering or fisting

But HIV can still be passed on even if there are no cuts in the arse or cock and both men are healthy! The risk of HIV decreases dramatically if:

• You use a condom when you fuck or get fucked
• A man who is positive avoids cumming in his partner's mouth

For more information on condoms and how to use them correctly, see our condom page

If you have any comments or contributions please use the Feedback Form

Contacts and further information:

Sussex students, look at the Sussex LGBT web site or email Sussex LBGT

Brighton Students, look at Brighton LGBT website or email Brighton LGBT